today was a good day for everything:) almost...

Well, proud of myself today. Managed to finish my "to do" list for the entire day:) well, almost 90% of it. Still much more then other days:)

After that, I had my first day at the gym and my legs are completely numb. Objective reached:) Since I crashed( not that bad, but quite random) with my bike I stopped biking for the past 2 weeks. And going to the gym now, it's exactly what I needed for this day to be exactly how it should be.

Coming home and finish cooking my amazing new type of rice and I would say that is a success also.

And during this day, everything was completely inspiring with some amazing TED talks that I enjoyed a lot.

So, bottom line, this day was a good day for everything. It was a complete success.

So, then, why do I feel alone at the end of the day? I didn't managed to actually have a real conversation with anyone today, I was lost in my own world, with my mp3 and my computer and my objectives.

If I managed to fulfill everything for today and reached all my objectives, then why do I feel incomplete? Feel that something is missing...So, probably life it's not all about the objectives that I set, not all about work, not all about me, not all about random and meaningless stuff.

It's more then that. The only thing is that usually we realize when it's to late to change something. When we already made mistakes. When we already hurt the people around us. And I realized it also so late, I needed 3 years to get here and understand what it's actually important in your life: friends, family and someone to love and love you back, and of course in your professional life to do something you like and enjoy. Beyond this, the other things that you need are a consequence and come along, the others, will never come.

But who needs them in the end?

When is the moment when I will feel, but above this, feel complete?

1 second...

What do we do with one second in our life?

How serious do we take what we do every second? Well I don't think we should, because then we will never let ourselves free, we will never feel spontaneous or never be surprised.

I'm usually a person that though it's a bit unstructured, I try to analyze and organize everything in my mind, for me to make sense.

And since I arrived to Norway, I analyzed my life, myself, my thoughts, my ideas, my dreams so much because there is a need for some answers.

And sometimes, you think so much about it, you put so much effort in it, but at one point...in 1 second..you got your answer.

It can be a small, situation, a friend that said something, a person that does something, an article you read...everything has an answer somewhere around us. And brings me back to life, reality and with the feet on the ground.

so, what can we do in one second? Blink, hear a sound, move, breathe, touch something, break something, look somewhere else, love, cry, think, smile, imagine, change our life.

Maybe scientific, this things can be done in more or less then one second. But, the question comes when you feel that there is that ONE second that changes your life forever...

There is only one second, when you feel that something is changed, that your life is in another direction, with other people, other place in the world, other feelings.

Does that second comes alone, or it is the result of more past activities we do?

Do we take full responsibility of the result or we blame others?

Do we ignore the second and continue to be stupid or start being realistic?

Do we open our eyes to see ?

Do we run from it or face it no matter the result?

Are we stuck in the second and want to have it back over and over or we accept it and move on?

What do we remember from that moment: the actual rational thought or the feeling?

Well, in the end the smallest thing that happens can change our lives for ever. But isn't this only the result of past actions? actions that bring us to that last moment when we have our answer no matter what?

But when the answer comes, we are sometimes happy or sometimes sad. We need to just take it, breathe in and keep walking.

In the end, why you are not happy? You got your answer, in one second. I got mine today, on facebook. Thank you...

crystallized...

In front of myself, in front of my own decisions. Face to face with insecurity.

I never thought i would be so into it and hurt myself so much. I never thought i will let this happen to me anymore. I thought I decided to stop and put a window in front of myself: you can see through but that's it, you can never touch anything behind the window in any way.

Behind the window it was a stone. A big stone that never showed any emotions, any pain or any sign of weakness. And with the window in front it was perfect.

It is far. It is breakable. It is a stupid decision. It is fucking hard. It shows me that the window had some problems. Because it broke down. It is not there anymore. And I realized it today.

And when the window is broken everything comes to you directly and you have to face everything.

Is the world crystallized or me?

povesti frumoase...

Ultimele luni au fost exact cum nu mi-as fi imaginat. Incredibile. Am descoperit oameni, am descoperit bucurii alaturi de @ no, am descoperit tara asta incredibila, am descoperit limite personale, am gasit idei, am descoperit o persoana draga, am descoperit timpul.

M-am descoperit pe mine, increderea in mine,inima, copilul din mine, emotia si sentimentul de bucurie si zambet sincer. Mi-am luat timp sa ma opresc si sa ma gandesc la ceea ce sunt, ceea ce fac, unde ma indrept, ce imi doresc, cum vreau sa fiu, ce ma bucura, ce nu. Nu am mai alergat si am inceput sa merg. Si merg mai departe. Vreau sa descoper viata cu tot ceea ce poate sa imi ofere, vreau sa cunosc oameni si sa ma cunosc pe mine prin ei, vreau sa pastrez frumusetea lucrurilor si oamenilor din jurul meu.

Te-am descoperit pe tine si pe voi. Si vreau sa pastrez lucrurile asa frumoase cum sunt acum. Inocente ca un copil, proaspete ca frunzele de primavara, albe ca primii fulgi de nea, stralucitoare ca soarele de dimineata si pline de emotie exact ca atunci cand vezi persoana care te face fericita.

Uneori ma gandesc ca daca lucrurile merg bine, undeva trebuie sa mearga prost. Si cine stie unde merge prost de fapt. Mama si prietenii sunt cei pe care i-am lasat in urma...de la ceea ce am plecat ca sa descoper noi orizonturi s-ar putea sa aiba nevoie de mine...

zi cu soare si sperante..

in the end, what makes you happy?

I spend my past years in denying what are the things that make you move, the things that make you feel alive, the things that make your heart and soul smile from deep inside.

Being sure that choosing the easiest path would not bring so many obstacles and things that are planned and structured, in the end will happen as they are on the paper.

But sometimes, something or someone shakes your entire believes, principles and the way how you were planning your life.

It takes only one minute, one day, one month to realize that maybe things are not happening as planned. As you were expecting them to be.

I asked myself so many times if it’s worth it? If being emotionally involved in something that it’s not certain, that doesn’t offer you security will actually bring that fairly small but so significant back in your life? If passing by like it never happened it’s the best decision? If giving a chance when in the end you’ll never know who is going to get hurt and hoping that it’s not you?

But in the end, the answer to these questions is far from having it.

Then, what do you choose? To pass by asking yourself “what if”?

Or you are going to throw yourself in something where you might not have a safety net?

Is the women of today more professional involved but less emotional ? but, mostly why are we becoming like this? What is the need that we, ourselves are trying to fulfill when we change our options?

And, on long term? What is the result ? are we satisfied?

are you realizing what you get yourself into?

During the past 2 weeks my life changed with some small details in a way that i wasn't expected.

Still, there is one specific thing that I wanted for myself:

- discover myself and learn to trust myself

In the past 2 weeks I actually got some of the things that I wanted to get: challenges to learn more about myself and people around that care about me.

But still feels like this is not good. Because when you get what you want, you actually get more questions and maybe get more hurt if the end result of what you do it's not actually what you were expecting for.

Why do people want so many things but in the end if they get them, they realize that maybe it's much more harder to handle them, than they thought?

Why do I find myself in a place where I knew what i want and when I get it, I don't feel secure anymore about it?

Is it actually fair to be insecure about your wishes after you get them? or maybe it's because you get more insecure about the future and how to develop that wish?

Are we just finding a way to be critical, to complain and to find flaws in everything that happens?

For now I'll take a decision: stop complaining and enjoying the challenges that I get. For sure something good with get out of it:)

my new life:)

Today we got to helsinki. My expectations where a bit low, also for the city because I didn't heard so many good reviews about it. But I was quite impressed, probably because there was also sunny:)

had such a nice evening with my team and with people from Iceland and also Heini. Playing hide and seek and I remembered what it means to be a child. No problems, no crazy thoughts, no obstacles and everything seems so easy.

This blog was always about cheering myself up, and searching for motivation when I felt that it was quite lost. Quite a lot of times sad, but at the end of each post I feel that I know what I should do next and to solve the situation.

Even though I had one of my crazy weeks since I'm in Norway, but I felt so alive and I started to see my life in front of my eyes.

I realized that the past is the past, the memories are the ones that I keep close, but in the same time I move on with my life.

I think I'm quite crazy because I keep having this feelings that I'm not balanced with my life and I really try.

It's nice to enjoy a small acomplishment and I think that this week, even though was a crazy one, I had a better balance that I used to have in this kind of situations before.

My life is different now, with different people and with a different future. Never see myself coming back home,but traveling for the next years and giving myself the balance that I need.

No lies, no fear, no fooling myself or the others and more trust in myself. That should be it.

I know that when I will stop writing on this blog, most probably all this things I achieved.:) Soon:)