decision!

what did i decide today:

- every 2 weeks i lower my activity on facebook with 50 % - i need to not keep myself distracted

- i will read 3 books by the end of the month when i get to romania

- i will update myself on what is happening in ro - i realized that i lost the reality

- i will study norwegian once a week

- i will by 2 types of magazines : the eternal fashion one and the economist or any other magazine with the same topics

- i will respect the deadlines:)))

- i will prepare myself for what i need to do for school before going to ro

- i will start reading more about marketing

- i will read at least 3 newsletters about economics per day that i get in my inbox

- i will stop thinking about the past and asking myself what if

- i will stop waiting and i will just go with the flow and let myself loose

- i will be patient and curios - ask a lot of questions

- i will keep in touch with my dear people

Well, that should be it. It's quite a lot, probably for more than one month. But for the beginning i will try to see how it works.

keep your fingers crossed for me:)

the thin line...

it's all about questions...

why do people react in a way, in another way or they don't react at all?

how can people that loved each other at one point can hate each other? is it actually hate or is a protection of actually trying to keep yourself far away from getting hurt?

why aren't we able to stop searching for answers and just go on? why are we in desperate need in asking ourselves questions, giving the answers by ourselves and having the conclusions also by ourselves. And we start believing in that answer. But what is the actual reality? Can we discover it and just say at one point : "everything is clear to me now" or "i have the answer" or we actually may never find it?

How can we believe in this fake answers, that we give to ourselves? And then we start protecting ourselves of the reality.

And in the end, a fake answer to our questions can tear us apart from the people we usually loved?

How is it possible that from love you go to hate? Or actually you are never there...it's only the window that goes up against the other people that you know they have the power to hurt you.

Cum poate sa iti fie dor dar in acelasi timp sa urasti?

where is the line between love and hate?

...

today was a good day for everything:) almost...

Well, proud of myself today. Managed to finish my "to do" list for the entire day:) well, almost 90% of it. Still much more then other days:)

After that, I had my first day at the gym and my legs are completely numb. Objective reached:) Since I crashed( not that bad, but quite random) with my bike I stopped biking for the past 2 weeks. And going to the gym now, it's exactly what I needed for this day to be exactly how it should be.

Coming home and finish cooking my amazing new type of rice and I would say that is a success also.

And during this day, everything was completely inspiring with some amazing TED talks that I enjoyed a lot.

So, bottom line, this day was a good day for everything. It was a complete success.

So, then, why do I feel alone at the end of the day? I didn't managed to actually have a real conversation with anyone today, I was lost in my own world, with my mp3 and my computer and my objectives.

If I managed to fulfill everything for today and reached all my objectives, then why do I feel incomplete? Feel that something is missing...So, probably life it's not all about the objectives that I set, not all about work, not all about me, not all about random and meaningless stuff.

It's more then that. The only thing is that usually we realize when it's to late to change something. When we already made mistakes. When we already hurt the people around us. And I realized it also so late, I needed 3 years to get here and understand what it's actually important in your life: friends, family and someone to love and love you back, and of course in your professional life to do something you like and enjoy. Beyond this, the other things that you need are a consequence and come along, the others, will never come.

But who needs them in the end?

When is the moment when I will feel, but above this, feel complete?

1 second...

What do we do with one second in our life?

How serious do we take what we do every second? Well I don't think we should, because then we will never let ourselves free, we will never feel spontaneous or never be surprised.

I'm usually a person that though it's a bit unstructured, I try to analyze and organize everything in my mind, for me to make sense.

And since I arrived to Norway, I analyzed my life, myself, my thoughts, my ideas, my dreams so much because there is a need for some answers.

And sometimes, you think so much about it, you put so much effort in it, but at one point...in 1 second..you got your answer.

It can be a small, situation, a friend that said something, a person that does something, an article you read...everything has an answer somewhere around us. And brings me back to life, reality and with the feet on the ground.

so, what can we do in one second? Blink, hear a sound, move, breathe, touch something, break something, look somewhere else, love, cry, think, smile, imagine, change our life.

Maybe scientific, this things can be done in more or less then one second. But, the question comes when you feel that there is that ONE second that changes your life forever...

There is only one second, when you feel that something is changed, that your life is in another direction, with other people, other place in the world, other feelings.

Does that second comes alone, or it is the result of more past activities we do?

Do we take full responsibility of the result or we blame others?

Do we ignore the second and continue to be stupid or start being realistic?

Do we open our eyes to see ?

Do we run from it or face it no matter the result?

Are we stuck in the second and want to have it back over and over or we accept it and move on?

What do we remember from that moment: the actual rational thought or the feeling?

Well, in the end the smallest thing that happens can change our lives for ever. But isn't this only the result of past actions? actions that bring us to that last moment when we have our answer no matter what?

But when the answer comes, we are sometimes happy or sometimes sad. We need to just take it, breathe in and keep walking.

In the end, why you are not happy? You got your answer, in one second. I got mine today, on facebook. Thank you...

crystallized...

In front of myself, in front of my own decisions. Face to face with insecurity.

I never thought i would be so into it and hurt myself so much. I never thought i will let this happen to me anymore. I thought I decided to stop and put a window in front of myself: you can see through but that's it, you can never touch anything behind the window in any way.

Behind the window it was a stone. A big stone that never showed any emotions, any pain or any sign of weakness. And with the window in front it was perfect.

It is far. It is breakable. It is a stupid decision. It is fucking hard. It shows me that the window had some problems. Because it broke down. It is not there anymore. And I realized it today.

And when the window is broken everything comes to you directly and you have to face everything.

Is the world crystallized or me?

povesti frumoase...

Ultimele luni au fost exact cum nu mi-as fi imaginat. Incredibile. Am descoperit oameni, am descoperit bucurii alaturi de @ no, am descoperit tara asta incredibila, am descoperit limite personale, am gasit idei, am descoperit o persoana draga, am descoperit timpul.

M-am descoperit pe mine, increderea in mine,inima, copilul din mine, emotia si sentimentul de bucurie si zambet sincer. Mi-am luat timp sa ma opresc si sa ma gandesc la ceea ce sunt, ceea ce fac, unde ma indrept, ce imi doresc, cum vreau sa fiu, ce ma bucura, ce nu. Nu am mai alergat si am inceput sa merg. Si merg mai departe. Vreau sa descoper viata cu tot ceea ce poate sa imi ofere, vreau sa cunosc oameni si sa ma cunosc pe mine prin ei, vreau sa pastrez frumusetea lucrurilor si oamenilor din jurul meu.

Te-am descoperit pe tine si pe voi. Si vreau sa pastrez lucrurile asa frumoase cum sunt acum. Inocente ca un copil, proaspete ca frunzele de primavara, albe ca primii fulgi de nea, stralucitoare ca soarele de dimineata si pline de emotie exact ca atunci cand vezi persoana care te face fericita.

Uneori ma gandesc ca daca lucrurile merg bine, undeva trebuie sa mearga prost. Si cine stie unde merge prost de fapt. Mama si prietenii sunt cei pe care i-am lasat in urma...de la ceea ce am plecat ca sa descoper noi orizonturi s-ar putea sa aiba nevoie de mine...

zi cu soare si sperante..

in the end, what makes you happy?

I spend my past years in denying what are the things that make you move, the things that make you feel alive, the things that make your heart and soul smile from deep inside.

Being sure that choosing the easiest path would not bring so many obstacles and things that are planned and structured, in the end will happen as they are on the paper.

But sometimes, something or someone shakes your entire believes, principles and the way how you were planning your life.

It takes only one minute, one day, one month to realize that maybe things are not happening as planned. As you were expecting them to be.

I asked myself so many times if it’s worth it? If being emotionally involved in something that it’s not certain, that doesn’t offer you security will actually bring that fairly small but so significant back in your life? If passing by like it never happened it’s the best decision? If giving a chance when in the end you’ll never know who is going to get hurt and hoping that it’s not you?

But in the end, the answer to these questions is far from having it.

Then, what do you choose? To pass by asking yourself “what if”?

Or you are going to throw yourself in something where you might not have a safety net?

Is the women of today more professional involved but less emotional ? but, mostly why are we becoming like this? What is the need that we, ourselves are trying to fulfill when we change our options?

And, on long term? What is the result ? are we satisfied?